Hello Horny People: and a Happy, happy Thanksgiving to you all! Of course, if you don’t celebrate this holiday in your part of the world, well, hopefully you can still find reasons to be grateful and share in a good meal.
Now, as promised, we have a special holiday treat for you here in this post: holiday advice from the lovely and multi-talented Brittany Andrews!
In case you’ve been under a rock, she’s not only a multi-award winning adult star and AVN Hall of Famer: she’s also a DJ, model, comedienne, producer, and director!
Well, whether you’re only getting to know her, or you’re a longtime fan of Miss Andrews, you best buckle up–or should we say unbuckle…because not only has Brittany tackled all of your most pressing questions here, but in her honor, we are also offering two special discounts too!
If you remember earlier this summer, we featured Brittany’s recent scene with Lil Humpers — and thanks to the tremendous response this post keeps getting, we have a flash sale discount for 67% off Lil Humpers! Your Lil Humpers membership gets you inside several Brazzers MILF sites…but if that isn’t enough for you, fine: you can get a 67% discount to Brazzers network too — so both awesome sites for under $10!
Now, get on over there and join before Mommy gets mad…
All set? Great! Now without further ado, here’s Brittany!
Dear Brittany, when my meddling mother-in-law shows up to spend Thanksgiving weekend with us, I get zero sex from my wife—and then we both end up in a bad mood. My wife acknowledges that her mother is a pain, but it’s always the same crap every year, so I’m wondering what to do. Unfortunately I’m not allowed to use animal tranquilizers on my MIL…but I want to keep my wife happy—and horny for me.
Oh… the family cock block. That’s never a good time. Nobody can be as inconsiderate for booty time than the MIL. So here’s what I’d do: If drugging her isn’t an option, and it always should be, you need to be crafty. Work with your wife for planned “quicky” excursions. These can be planned emergencies to the store, helping out an imaginary friend in holiday distress or simply plopping MIL down in front of the TV with a bottle of wine while you sneak off to change for dinner. (ok so wine is drugging her, but unless she eats edibles, it’s your only real moral and legal option) Look I know you’re good for like what? 15 minutes of pure hot loving? I bet if you work in the excitement of getting caught, you can get it on and almost please each other in 10. Give it the holiday try!
Dear Brittany, I was at happy hour with a girlfriend of mine who was sorta tipsy when she told me that she is attracted to me. I laughed it off at the time, because I’ve never been with another woman…but now, suddenly this is all I can think about. We’ll both be attending a mutual friend’s “Friendsgiving” too, so like the pressure is on—what would you do?!
Honey first you need to drop the pressure. You are in the perfect spot. You hold all the cards. If the cookie is tempting, you eat it. If not, you don’t. That’s the beautiful thing about being the pursued. Now… if you have a hang-up about being with another woman, you need to consider where it’s coming from. Is it your preference or you being worried about somebody else’s perception. Don’t be pressured into doing something if ultimately it won’t make you happy. If you are down for the program, but you’re worried what other’s might think, you need to say ‘fuck u this isn’t the 80s’ and go all in. They don’t say I kissed a girl and I liked it for no reason.
Dear Brittany, I’m hosting my first Thanksgiving with my new husband’s family—and dreading the inevitable political talk at the table. Both sides of our family have some very opinionated people—and I love them all, but geez how do I nip this crap in the bud so we have peace? Please tell your “Mean Mommy secrets!”
Ugh… I have no room for politics or religion arguments at my table. I’m an opinionated bish and things can turn cutthroat really fast. Especially with family which has an illusionary need built in to respect one another that never lasts. So I often officially set ground rules at dinner parties. I straight up tell fools that certain topics are off limits and that if they broach those rules, they are no longer welcome. Harsh? Maybe, but it saves lives. Now telling family that rarely fully works, so I then have plan b. That includes withholding food or even alcohol from people that don’t respect the rules. I can be a dominant bitch. You fuck up at my table, trust me… you won’t like where I put that turkey leg.
Dear Brittany, my man is obsessed with football and also does most of the Thanksgiving cooking—so I end feeling pretty invisible. Any tips for stealing his attention, or planning sneaky sexy surprises with a house full of people?
Let me flip this bitch on you for a second. Thanksgiving is a lot of work and you have freedom to plan sexy time while he does all the work and keeps himself successfully distracted? You don’t have a problem. You have opportunity to be naughty and creative without having to tie down loose ends. Plan quick encounters. Flash him occasionally with hints of passion. Set the stage and call in your supporting cast. It’s your house, nobody will think it odd if you pull your stiffy off for a quicky under the guise of taking a call from cousin Fred. Trust me… he’ll prefer scoring with you over some team making a turkey day touchdown any day.
Dear Brittany, do you have a favorite dish you like to make, or something you love to indulge in during the holidays? And since you always look great, can I also ask what’s your strategy for navigating all that sweet (and savory) temptation this time of year?
I do always try to eat healthy, but you’re right, tempting food comes out for the holidays. When it comes to what I like to make, I don’t get crazy. I stay with a classic. I make pumpkin pie. But the true secret there is that pumpkin pie is so good with whipped cream. You know what else is amazing with whipped cream? Me (or so I’ve been told). When I decide to indulge in naughty food, I get delicious pumpkin pie and a workout while my someone lucky gets whip cream on two kinds of pie. It’s purrrrfect!
And that’s a wrap, ladies and gentleman! We hope you enjoyed hearing from the lovely Brittany Andrews and wish you all a safe and happy holiday. Don’t drink and drive…and for the love of God, remember that extra whipped cream!
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